Boss Of All Trades

My car broke down one morning. It did not merely break down, it broke me down too. I tried to start it, but the ignition failed. There would be a cranky sound, as though the parts internal to the car were hobnobbing with each other, making merry, or gossip - not necessarily in that order. It was cold outside and the Tundra climate that time of the year wasn't any consolation. Snow all over, and no sight eluded this frozen froth sent down to Earth by the Divine Beings of Heaven. A heavenly conspiracy of sorts. I inserted the key and tried turning it on. Like life, no progress. Nothing much came out except the same debilitating sound. Nothing seems to work on a morning of dipping Fahrenheit.

Except Prof Murphy of course - he works overtime. After moments of volcanic heat waiting to erupt from inside me, contrary to the chill outside, coupled with a transfigured eye -brow fully tense now, I called it quits. Never for a moment it seemed an hour had gone by me, with a smiling face and a waving bye. I reached out for my mobile. I could call up my office, letting them know by road-side adventure gotten by some ill-enterprise of a so-called Lady Luck. But my mobile, phew, won't work!


Not that it had a mind of its own,or that it ever had a partake of a magic potion to have picked up the power to think - it simply didn't work for want of charge. A few seconds into the beeping noise and then it was gone. No, please don't call it a beeping sound - far worse.

My boss, after much deliberation on his own promotion, heavy pressure from his higher-ups, and a doubly scant sense of operation of our company, had called for a meeting that morning. He had especially asked me if I would be present. I know when he needs me, he needs me from the core of his heart. He had great mastery in cramming the first slide in the Power-point presentation made of 135 slides. The first would be either named 'Eagle's Eye Overview' or 'Overall Characteristics' - consistently boring people, who weren't creative enough to bore themselves thoroughly well. I would then have to carry on with the rest of the presentation to the rest of the crowd. My boss's name was John Travolta - at least he thought he was one.

That day was another such day of the meeting, and I knew that without me, my boss would never get on to slide number 2. As I told you before - he could cram and lecture people on any damn language that he did not know, for it hardly mattered to him in terms of delivery, in as much as it hardly mattered to the audience in terms of the receipt of the one-slide gospel. Glory be to Christ, that at one point in time he had asked me as to why I wasn't creative enough - and he had proposed the first slide be named 'Overall Overview'. Glory, because he never ever pursued that idea. Not because he'd make a late realization the idea was dumb, but because his wife had called him up on his mobile that instant. He forgets everything when his wife calls.

My car was in the shit-hole now, and unable to call him to let him know of the same, I now knew his dealings with me would get from bad to worse. Rather, worse to worst. It wouldn't, however, maybe. For the easier way out for him might be to have me fired. When not in recession, they don't call it pink-slip. They call it 'fired'. Nice.

I threw my mobile - as farthest as could go within the car. Mobiles are costly nowadays. Cars are spacious enough to throw them around as if they are unwanted, so that you exactly know where to find them later. And then I stood on the road, had somebody stop at me, yell at me, borrowed a mobile to call up the towing agency, and did other such tasks. The entire day flew in a swish - morning till evening. The garage-men where the car was taken to, glared at me, into my eyes for having spoilt their day too. The bill however, in a short while from then, made up for their misery.

I had to wait at their shop, conveniently pacing myself through thoughts of how my boss's meeting would have gone. How there wouldn't have been anyone to present the slides, and what a sorry figure he would have cut! The audience would have swooned in pity, rising up above their shoulders only to see him vanish from the stage - and at that moment they would have jeered at him haughtily, ridiculing, caricaturing his actions!

When your boss is in trouble, you feel happy. I did. Off and on the entire day. When the bill amount arrived to a boggling 10,000 rupees, I paid it. I was still happy. Happiness comes from within inspite of circumstances held ransom to a suspecting Luck or a worthless boss, or so to say.

The next day I went to office, my boss was waiting for me. "Let's go for a quick smoke" he announced, not even allowing me to power on my computer. Tribulations and tsunamis wreaked havoc inside me. This was going to be my moment of truth, my ouster.

We walked together to the smoking-zone. He opened his mouth, puffed a smoke, chewed his own words, and then shot the volley - "Well, I cancelled yesterday's meeting since I had a car-breakdown. I knew I wouldn't be able to make it to office. So had called Kevin (his manager)to let the audience know that the same would be held today morning. Same time - 9 am. Half an hour from now." He took another puff, this time more intense than the first, even as he kept his right hand on my shoulder -"You are my man Shub! Let's go to the conference room rightaway buddy. You would need to set up the projector with your laptop too - let's be ready before they start coming in!"

Getting fired, at a few junctures in life, even if the number be scant, sometimes, provides a better and viable solution as an option subject to a man's prudent exercise!

I went to the wash-room, and laughed till my jaws hurt! That's also the time I began to realize I had spent a whopping 10,000 rupees on my car the previous day!

I still felt happy. My boss's car had also broken down! And who knows, he might have actually ended up paying much more than I did!